Being Me

It has happened again.  Over the past few weeks, I’ve added more friends to my Facebook list, and therefore, have almost stopped posting status updates.  Looking at the dynamics of my friends list I see family, friends, clients, acquaintances, people I met at a workshop – many different backgrounds and personalities.  There have been several times that I have typed in a status, only to re-read it and delete before posting to avoid offending someone.  Everything is going to offend someone!  Feeling the pressure to keep the peace and not upset ANYONE has only resulted in me feeling stifled.  Although I wouldn’t call myself controversial, I would call myself opinionated, and usually, my Facebook status reflects that.  However, every time my friends list grows, I pull back.  My business page is boring – the fear is even worse there, where I haven’t even met half of my fans.

Sometimes, I feel that a status update just isn’t enough; the subject needs a blog post.  Inevitably, I never find the time to write the post and it dies in the jumble of my mind.  Other times, I will blog about it, but not publish, and the draft will sit for maybe a year before I delete it.  When I updated my website, I promised myself that I would be more open and honest, pour more feeling and emotion into my blog.  What happened?  Fear.  Fear happened.  The emotion that I’m not to let govern my life has once again crept in and is preventing me from being me.

So, what is the point of this post?  Am I turning over a new leaf?  Promising to lose the filter and post whatever pops into my head?  No, but I am going to try to be more honest with myself when I ask the question, “Why are you not posting this?”  If the answer begins with “Because I’m afraid…”, I will reconsider.

God has blessed me with a keen cynicism, and he wrapped this gift with sarcasm.  I need to accept these gifts.   I’m pretty sure that He gets a kick out of my Facebook updates, and my friends will too.

P.S.  I’m having a bit of writer’s block and this topic is what came to mind – pretty ironic that it’s at a time that I’m off of Facebook for a while.  So, leave any comments below, because I won’t see your Facebook activity.  :)

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